I am the Fooder; behold my visage and tremble lest I write thee a bad, lo ~ terrible ~ food review.
The other Players:
The Foodwife: mine goodwife, a fancy-shmancy lady who takes me to fancy-shmancy places.
The Foodling: mine teenage daughter who's quick wit and narrow appetite flay many a lowly line chef.
The Expert: mine good friend who thinks he knows a lot but hath yet to post a damn thing.